New Blog

Hi Friends!  If anyone happens to stumble across my blog, I have created a new blog and will be posting there from here on out.

Cheers!
Emily 

Cade's Birth

Hi Everyone, 

Thank you so  much for the support and love the past few weeks.  I wrote this story a few days after Cade's birth and finally feel it is ready to post.  I plan to do this story as part 1 and a part 2 as his death story.  I miss him so much and don't want to leave out too many of the details of his story.  Hopefully it isn't too gross or scary.  

xoxo, 
Emily 

My water broke as I was laying in bed on March 6^th, 2014 at about 10pm.  I was 30 weeks, 2 days pregnant. I quickly jumped up, started screaming for Adam.  We literally jumped in the car and started driving to the hospital.  I had no hospital bag packed- we didn’t even know exactly where to go once we got to the hospital as we hadn’t taken our birth class or done the hospital tour yet.  I kept thinking “it’s too early… it’s too early…” but I also knew that we were well passed the viability week (24 weeks) and medicine is amazing so I also was excited to potentially meet our little guy which I have been SO ready to do for a long time.  

When we got the hospital, the doctors came in and educated us.  Just because my water broke doesn’t mean that I am actually having the baby. There are some things they can do to slow down/stop my labor… and the goal is to keep baby boy in me as long as I can hold off (ultimate goal was 34 weeks).    My contractions that night never got very strong – although they were 2-3 mins apart- and by mid-morning on the 7^th I was actually feeling pretty good overall. 

That day, we met with a high-risk pregnancy doctor at the hospital that did an ultrasound and tested my amniotic fluid for infection.  The doctor was amazing, but definitely had some concerns with the ultrasound.   Our sweet baby wasn’t moving near as much as past ultrasounds and his mouth was open in the womb, which is rare, although not unheard of.  He thought his jaw looked a bit recessed and pointed out that the arms and legs were about a 1-2 weeks behind in growth  (when they had been tracking correctly before in the past ultrasounds).  Mostly, he was concerned with the amount of fluid I had.  I had more fluid left than most pregnant women have during pregnancy AFTER my water broke.  This was concerning for several reasons (mainly because this could mean some sort of defect- most likely the baby wasn’t swallowing).  As parents, we were concerned but you quickly brush stuff off and make excuses for things.  “Well, the baby was sleeping, of course he wasn’t moving a ton”, “All of our past ultrasounds have been fine- so he is fine” “if something major was wrong we would have already seen it”, etc., etc., etc.  I really have had a great pregnancy- I assumed it was MY body producing too much fluid. There is no way it was because our baby wasn’t healthy.  God wouldn’t let that happen to me after all we had been through to get pregnant.

March 8^th came and went with no baby drama.  The 9^th was great until that night when my contractions came back.  Again, I was put on close watch and the doctors tried to put off labor but also prepared the NICU just in case baby was on the way.  Somehow I made it through the night without giving birth.  It was a close call that made for a miserable night.  Lets just say I HATE catheters without pain meds. 

Then the 10^th & 11^th came.  We had another close call the night of the 11^th (not has bad as the 9^th) but when they checked my cervix I still wasn’t dilated so it wasn’t super concerning.  On Wednesday the 12^th, the contractions returned and I could tell these were the strongest I had had so far.  They weren’t super close together, but really intense when they did happen.  A doctor came in to see if I was dilated and whoa – I was dilated to a “generous 4”.  This was happening.  By the time I got wheeled back to labor & delivery I was dilated to a 5.   They started me on a magnesium drip.  I had been on this the Sunday night before, but basically they use it for preemie births to help protect their brain from a brain bleed during birth (in my case).  The side effect is that it can slow down labor quite a bit.  The nurse literally forced me into getting an epidural.  I was really hesitant because I knew I was having a tiny baby and the contractions were really intense, but tolerable.  I am no wimp and thought surely I could do it without “help”.  With encouragement from my mom and Adam I FINALLY agreed to the epidural. This was a super smart decision because the magnesium definitely slowed down my contractions…. So much so that by 8am the nurses weren’t so sure I was having a baby anymore.  The doctor came in to check me and basically told me that if I was still dilated to a 5, they were going to take me off of everything and try to hold off labor AGAIN.    Well…. I was dilated to an 8 so we were back into baby mode, except my contractions were still not close together. So we waited and waited and labored and waited (meanwhile I had not eaten since about 3pm the day before and they wouldn’t let me eat or drink anything while on the mag and epidural).  Thank goodness for popsicles!

Ready to get this show on the road

 

The other issue we haven’t discussed is every time they checked me I had so much fluid that there was a large sack of fluid sitting between the baby’s head and my cervix. This wasn’t allowing the baby’s head to drop. Which is why we kept waiting and waiting to see if my contractions would help push the head down, except I still wasn’t having many contractions for being dilated to an 8, then 10.   So then I was put on Pitocin to see if that would help drop the head by speeding up my contractions.  No luck.  At this point it was like 5pm, I had been in labor for about 24 hours, dilated to a 10 for several hours and was just hanging out.   It was time for plan B.

Plan B was really scary.  My doctor was going to try to pop the sack of fluid stuck between the baby’s head and my cervix.  The goal was to make a small hole that would allow the fluid to drain slowly BUT there was a chance that the fluid would come rushing out and pull the umbilical cord with it, smashing it under the head and cutting off the supply to the baby, which would mean emergency C-section.   I got asked so many times while pregnant if I was afraid of anything and my response was always “if I have to get a C-section”. They gross me out.   So at this point I was freaking out.    They decided to pop the sack of fluid in the O.R. and prep me for a C-section, just in case.   We were wheeled into the O.R….. I was praying SO hard at this point, literally shaking from nerves. So many unknowns.   Here goes nothing the doctor said. 3-2-1.

Prepped for the O.R.

Well, I guess you could say the “popping” went well.  Instead of the gush everyone prepped for, it came out nice and slow.  It came and came and came. The most any of the Docs or nurses had seen EVER.  Then it was time to push.   This was one of the most amazing, magical experiences of my life.  I delivered right there in the O.R. with the most amazing team of doctors and nurses around me and Adam holding me the whole time.   I would literally give birth 1 time a week if I could.  I cannot put it into words but I definitely will never forget the way I felt, the lights, the team around me for as long as I live.     Cade James Griffin was born into this world at 6:04pm on March 13^th, 2014.  3 pounds, 1 oz and 18 ½ inches long.  His sweet little whimpers and the way he looked at me is still something I can remember so clearly.  He was perfect…. to me.

3.12.14/Steady

I am still pregnant as of this morning.  Every day is a different adventure - I happen to have a uterus that loves to have contractions pretty much all day. Luckily they don't seem to be changing my cervix so I am not in "real labor". 

All in all, bed rest hasn't been too terrible.  Between all the text, emails, calls and visitors I really can pass the day fairly quick.  And lets be honest, I can sleep at anytime of the day (any where and pretty much under any circumstance). 

We should get part 1 of some test results today- so fingers crossed they look OK! 

Love you all.   Your prayers are so appreciated. 

3.11.14/31 weeks!

Today there isn't a lot of news to share.  I made it through another day and I am officially 31 weeks pregnant!   I am still getting contractions that are fairly painful, but they aren't super close together at this time. 

This is my 5th day post water breaking which is a feat in itself.  This baby really wants to come out and I feel like it is pure will power (and some clinching?) that is making him stay in for now.  I will  know soon enough what real labor feels like but I do think I have been in mild labor for like 5 straight days. 

I am talking with HR today on my options for leave from work.  I work for a great company but just hope that we can work something out as I don't want to spend my entire maternity leave at the hospital or in the NICU.  Need to save some of it for when he comes home.  I just keep reminding myself that there is a prize at the end of this tunnel.  And I keep making my mom promise it is worth it. :) ha.

Happy Tuesday everyone!

3.9.14/This is hard

Hey Everyone.  Yesterday I woke up feeling pretty good, all things considered.  We had a few visitors,  I went on a wheel chair ride outside (my new version of fun) and took a tour of the NICU.  
It really put it into prospective when I saw the NICU- it did not help me feel better but just a lot sadder.  Realizing that this baby is going to be whisked away at delivery without getting to hold him is going to be rough.  At his age we also just aren't sure what to expect.  It sounds like babies born at 30/31 weeks are on the bubble for lung development.  Some come out crying and some will need help ASAP.

At around 4pm yesterday I noticed some contractions coming on.   My mom was getting into town around 6 and between 5 and the time she arrived my contractions were getting much more strong.   Back went the IV and they put me on Magnesium (which is used in case this was real labor and the baby is coming- to protect brain bleeds in preemies).  The doses are so high that they won't let you get out of bed the entire time you are on Magnesium because it makes you feel like cronk.  Since I couldn't get up, they put a catheter in.  So between having labor contractions, a catheter and magnesium it made for a very long hard night.  Everyone thought the baby was coming (including my self and the docs).  At some point in the middle of the night, I started to feel slightly better.  All of the sudden my body was able to relax and I just knew that I wasn't going to give birth.    So here I am, recovering from the hellish night I had- thankful I still have an inside baby (rather than an outside baby).  I don't know if I can have another night like last again and make it.  I wanted to die.

At this point my doctors say that I will probably give birth sooner than later since my body seems to be "trying".  Tomorrow I turn 31 weeks.  My goal is not even to make it to 32 + anymore but just 1 more day. 

Thanks for checking in everyone. 

3.8.14/ No news is good news!

Yesterday was pretty uneventful which is a great thing. Physically I felt much better (not like I was going into labor) and your prayers are working as both Adam and I were in much better spots mentally.  Do you know the hospital I am staying at delivers between 300-320 babies PER MONTH???? How crazy is that?  And I guess March is a really busy month for them for some reason- everyone has too much fun in June, I suppose.... swimsuits and short shorts.  

The only thing on the docket today is a tour of the NICU this afternoon.  Just to 1) mentally prepare our self for how small this baby will be.  At the ultrasound 2 days ago the weight estimate was 3lb 4oz. If I can keep him in the oven, he could make it to over 4 lbs in the next few weeks potentially. 2) Our birthing class/hospital tour was scheduled for the beginning of April.... so we haven't even seen this place before.   I am going to try to cancel and get our money back. Adam was joking we should still show up to the class WITH our newborn.

Today we are thankful that Baby G is still safe and sound inside of me, we are at a great hospital (the best in Denver for having a baby),  Janon Otto is on her way out today- woohoo for moms!, and I personally am very grateful that Adam works from home.  Which means he gets to hang with me pretty much this whole time at the hospital. 

Prayer request are similar to yesterday:

1) Healthy Baby
2) A baby that would like to stay in there for a few more weeks
3) God to continue to calm our anxiety

*** The goal is 34 weeks, which if I make it is April 1.  Of course I would have a April fool's baby :) 23 days to go!

A very surprising Thursday/3.8.14 Update

I decided to start blogging the updates because between friends and family it is really hard to keep up with everyone!  I so appreciate the texts/emails, etc. keep them coming :)

This past Thursday (30 weeks, 2 days pregnant) I was laying in bed and my water broke.  Not a trickle, like a literal scene out of a movie type of gush.  Strangest/scariest thing when you are only 30 weeks pregnant.  We jumped in the car to head to the hospital, assuming I was going to be having a baby that night.   Once we met with the doctors we learned that this can actually happen in rare cases and they will try to keep the baby in you for as long as possible by slowing down your contractions with medication (the medication works about 80% of the time).  "Best case" is they can take me all the way to 34 weeks pregnant, assuming my labor stops.  About 50% of the people that this happens to can make it a few extra weeks if baby lets them.   I got a steroid shot to help with the baby's lung development, a quick ultrasound, IV, and hooked up to different monitors (one for baby's heart and one for my contractions) and then the waiting game started.  

All night/the next morning my contractions were 2-4 mins apart and some of them were beginning to get painful.  But once they started to get painful, they actually slowed down and then slowly started tapering off- thank the Lord!   I was told I was going to meet with a high risk doctor that day.  Once your water breaks there is no barrier between your baby and outside bacteria (since your amniotic sack protects the baby) so they needed to test me for infections.  Basically if I had any infection they needed to induce me immediately.  This test was going to be through amniocentesis. If you have not been pregnant before, this is a genetic test that is optional preformed earlier in your second trimester where they actually pull amniotic fluid out of your uterus using a needle. It ended up being as sucky as you would imagine.

When we finally met with the high risk doctor they did a few ultrasounds and found some things that were slightly alarming.  First, my water had already broken but I still have more than the average amount of fluid left in me (no wonder it won't stop coming out!!!). This is a bad thing. There are several reasons someone may have too much fluid: 

• A birth defect that affects the baby's gastrointestinal tract or central nervous system
• Maternal diabetes
• Twin-twin transfusion — a possible complication of identical-twin pregnancies in which one twin receives too much blood and the other too little
• A lack of red blood cells in the baby (fetal anemia)
• Blood incompatibilities between mother and baby

Often, however, the cause of polyhydramnios (technical term for "too much fluid") isn't clear.

 Scary list, but obviously some of these have already been ruled out. The bolded are the options that are still pending for me and Baby G- notably, the birth defect option.   Long story short, Adam and I are pretty terrified.  We are going to have a preemie, but then to have the uncertainty of a potential birth defect or chromosome issue adds a whole different layer of stress.  My doc went back through all of my ultrasounds and everything has tested and looked great up until this point (including the 12 week NT scan we did!) so I am just hoping and praying that I am one of the "unknown causes".  We won't know the answers until he gets here or if the amniocentesis results come back before he is here ( takes about 2 weeks).    On the bright side, they have been monitoring baby's heart since I have been here and through all of the contractions, my stress, etc. he seems to be unfazed.  As I am typing this it is 6 am on the 8th of March and I am still pregnant- so that is awesome and all of my tests for infection came back clear so no need to get induced (at least today!). 

I am going to be in the hospital until he comes.  So potentially a month to get me to 34 weeks- I am just starting the morning of day 2 and feel like it has already been a month.  Please please please keep us in your prayers.  We are trying to stay positive but it feels like something in the universe just doesn't want us to have kids (easily).  Not sure what we are supposed to be learning from this just yet. 

 I'll update this as I know more.  

Main prayer requests: 

1) a healthy baby

2) to have Baby G continue to hang out for as long as possible safe in my uterus (they said each day he stays in is equal to about 3 days he won't need to be in the NICU)

3) Sanity for Mom and Dad!!  

A real babymoon!

If you read our getting pregnant story, I mentioned how our St. John trip was supposed to be our babymoon.  Once I got pregnant for real I was excited to book a "real" babymoon.  We decided on Hawaii for a few reasons.  1) It was the US.  If something were to happen, our health insurance would be accepted.  2) Adam had never been to Hawaii 3) I wanted an active trip.  I knew I wouldn't be laying by the pool sipping pina coladas on this trip so having other stuff to do was a must!

We traveled to Kauai for 8 magnificent days and stayed at the Koa Kea Resort and Spa (which we LOVED!).  We have decided we are definitely the boutique hotel type of people as all of our favorite hotels have been boutique style.

Highs:

- First and foremost, getting 8 uninterrupted days with each other.   Adam and I really love traveling together and getting a break from the real world was needed.

- The food. I mean, I am pregnant so this was obvs a high.  We had a lot of good meals & ice cream daily.
- Our hotel.  The service was the best I have experienced maybe ever.
- Sporting my bump.  People are just really nice to you when you are pregnant.

- The Na Pali Coast.  Unbelievable. We must go back and hike much further.

- Getting warm sun when it was snowy and freezing back in Denver
- Our original rental car was a Town & Country minivan (apparently we are already getting profiled) that was light blue. We named it Sparkles. And it wasn't near as nice as this picture below.  Ours was leaking fluid and the check engine light was on.

Lows:

- Adam got a stomach bug the 2nd day we were there and spent the majority of the day in the room, while I had an epic pool day and got fried:)
- Rain.  The weather wasn't perfect and complaining about the rain in Hawaii isn't really something to complain about, but we could have done with slightly less rain.
- Honestly, I am starting to get comments about how big I am.   Not to be a loser, but when you are asked if you are 8 months pregnant or if you are having twins it kinda makes you feel like a COW.

And some faves...

We literally were hiking to a random beach and stumbled across this sign.  Of course, I was actually freaked out. 

The fruit in Hawaii is delicious.  Tangelos are my new favorite fruit. 

Saw lots of these beauties! 

Surfers everywhere.

I still think my most favorite place so far is St. John, but Kauai is a very very very close 2nd!

(Brag time: Adam was published in Men's Fitness today! Very exciting! One hour per week that can change everything)

6 months pregnant!

I am 26 weeks pregnant, which is 6 1/2 months pregnant if there are 4 weeks per month.... but only just about 6 months if I am actually counting the months.  Which is it?  Lets just say I am ready to meet this baby!!   

Overall, my pregnancy has been pretty good.  I was never that sick, things seems to be on track but I am definitely not that girl that LOVES to be pregnant.  I think all the waiting I had to do to actually get pregnant really made me anxious for the actual baby.... so I could skip pregnancy and be completely OK with that!  I hate to say I have complaints because I am not complaining but if I had to narrow it down to the 2 most unenjoyable parts of my pregnancy here  they are: 

* Braxton Hicks.  Holy moly.... all the time, non stop recently. 

* Early in pregnancy (maybe around 16 weeks) I was working out and felt a small pop in my abdomen muscles.  My very top right one.  I know I either pulled it or potentially tore it.  Not a big issue but since I am growing like crazy it won't heal and just keeps getting worse and worse.  To the point where I am super nervous to see how my last 14 weeks go with it.  I have nightmares that my muscles are tearing apart inside of me and I can't even touch the area because it feels so bruised.  There is really nothing I can do about it either.  

On a happier note: this baby moves ALL of the time. Enough to where it will wake me up in the middle of the night which I kind of love.  I felt him at exactly 19 weeks, 3 days at about 10 in the morning and I will never forget the moment.   And thank you thank you thank you Amy Landers for the doppler.  I love listening to his little heart beat!  

I went back through my early pregnancy pictures and thought I would share some good ones!  

Transfer Day!!! Do I look pregnant yet? 

                Our Embryos. One took- one didn't make it                              Ready to be knocked up! 

LOTS OF SELFIES! 

Right around 12 weeks

17 weeks

18 weeks

20 weeks.  When I went from no bump to a definite bump! 

22 1/2 weeks

25 weeks!

And the baby!!!!! (had to post this... practicing on my new OBaby app)

I kind of went from 0 to 60 on the bump meter.  Enough to be asked by a Doctor in the grocery store if I was 8 months pregnant.  And someone else to ask if it was twins!! Always makes a girl feel awesome... :) 

Babymoon update is coming next!  Fourteen weeks left... I can do it, I can do it. 

It's a BOY!

Yesterday was SO SO SO fun.  I knew we wanted to do something more exciting than have an ultrasound tech say "it's a boy/girl" so we decided to involve our families in the surprise. You can read about that HERE.  It was better than I imagined!

My mom hosted our families and a few close friends.  We had a "pregnancy buffet" with typical things that pregnant women crave (including pickles, ice cream, ice chips and more!), played a game and ended the the party with the actual reveal.  

And onto the main event!

To say we are excited is an understatement.  I was SO surprised.  I come from all girls, so even though I had been feeling "boy" all week, I just figured it would be another girl in the family.   We just feel so blessed that this is actually happening to us. Every stage of this process has been so incredible.   We don't have a single boy name picked out (of course, we had 3 girl names we liked!) so bring on the suggestions!!! May can't come soon enough- we are READY!   Twenty weeks to go....

He or She?

This week was our 19-week ultrasound/gender scan.  I was so excited to get to the doctor I could barely get anything done at the office.

In true Emily (or I should say Otto) fashion, it didn’t go quite as planned but was still amazing!

About 5 minutes into the ultrasound I started feeling super sick. Like pass out/puke sick. The tech was so sweet and promised me it has happened before – sometimes when you are pregnant, laying on your back can do that since the weight of your uterus can press down on your aorta, limiting the blood flow back to your brain.    After about 5 minutes I started to feel better and we got back to the scan.  Until it happened again.  Ha.  Needless to say, it took us awhile to get through the entire scan without me puking and/or passing out on the table.  Quite embarrassing. But it was amazing to see the growth since our last ultrasound and confirm that something is still in there (I still haven’t felt any definite movement).    And I say this is typical of Ottos because my mom, my sister and I have a history of passing out periodically… Adam is used to my episodes by now. 

So what are we having?  Well, we still don’t know.  The Tech wrote it in a card and sealed it up.  I put the card in the mail to my mom’s best friend back in KC and they are throwing us a gender reveal party on Sunday with our families.  Gotta add some suspense!!   I have been thinking it is a girl this whole time, until yesterday morning I woke up feeling boy.  So we shall see!

How cute is this hand and foot?

An Adam or Emily profile? 

And a 19 week selfie in the work bathroom before I headed to the doctor.  I really suck at taking cute bump pics.  

Four more days until the reveal- I CAN'T WAIT! 

Hey Blog... long time since I have seen you.

I'm not sure if I have any followers left... so if you happen to stumble across this blog post- just know that this post has been a work in progress for months.  It was really hard to put this all into words with the right tone.  Here goes nothing!

Disclaimer: There is A LOT of information below.  Some people may think it is too much information.   Just quickly scan when it gets really boring :)

I'm pregnant!! Lets just cut to the chase.  Every time I say those words- out loud and public I can't help but feel overjoyed and a little apprehensive at the same time.  You see, getting pregnant was REALLY hard. And there is a side of me that doesn't want to put on this fake-happy "yay we are pregnant" show without people knowing what our story actually looked like because it was filled with a lot of tears, stress, financial stress, and hopelessness at times.  People post their perfect lives on social media (myself included) but my life isn't perfect.  So here goes nothing.

When Adam and I got married in 2009, we knew we wanted kids, not right away of course... but we definitely didn't NOT want them enough to ever really prevent it from happening.... we "sort of" prevented.     In November, 2011 I thought I was pregnant.  I was 4 days "late" and just had a feeling.  I had actually never taken a pregnancy test in my life so with shakey fingers I did my first at-home test.  When it came back negative, we were both a little shocked and bummed.    Surprisingly really bummed.   We decided then that we were definitely more than ready to start trying for real.   I remember thinking how it was so crazy to think that by the Holidays 2012 we would have a baby or at the very least, I would  be pregnant.  We were both young, healthy, take really good care of ourselves. Poster children for fertility.  

We then tried and tried and tried and every month got the same result.  Negative, negative, negative. By month 7 & 8 we were getting frustrated and I set up a regroup with my OBGYN.   She, of course, thought there were no issues and that we just needed to give it more time. She also reminded us that only 50% of couples get pregnant in the first 6 months of trying and we were obviously in the second half of that.  Another month came and went and we talked her into letting us do some preliminary testing.   When the results came back- my blood work looked great. Adam's collection (I'll keep it PG) looked good- but not "perfect".  There was 1 attribute they tested for that he came back 1% off.... which really wasn't a big deal.  Since we had been trying for 10 months at this point, reluctantly my OBGYN went ahead and referred us to a fertility specialist.  I think she wanted to stop dealing me more than anything.

Adam and I first met with Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM) in November 2012.   CCRM is the best in the country so we knew we were in good hands and very thankful that we lived in Colorado!  People fly in from everywhere, including internationally, to get help from CCRM. I definitely think this is one reason why God led us to Colorado in the first place.

The next 6 weeks or so we underwent testing and more testing. By this time, we were in 2013 and finally had a chance to regroup with our doctor.  At our meeting,  I found out I had cysts in both ovaries and severe endometriosis.  So severe that one of my tubes was completely blocked and the other looked to be open, but they weren't quite sure.  Basically, I needed surgery.    They needed to clear out as much of the endometriosis, remove the cysts from my ovaries and see if there was any hope for my tubes.    To say we were shocked was an understatement.  I hate getting my blood taken.  The very last thing I was expecting to hear were the words "surgery".    Surgery was then set for March.

Remember that amazing trip you may have seen pictures of us in St. John? Well, funny enough- that was our babymoon.  Yep. Lets just say I was "so sure" I would be pregnant by Feb. 2013 that I booked a babymoon.    So we went on our "babymoon" with no baby-to-be.  It was still a much needed trip.  But behind all of our smiles was a lot of stress.  Lets just say we weren't looking forward to coming home to our everyday lives.

There were three parts to my surgery:
1) remove the cysts from both of my ovaries
2) exploratory: check out my tubes (how did they look, are they salvagable, etc), how bad was my endometriosis, etc.  We were 99% sure I would be coming out of surgery with no right tube, as my previous testing showed major blockage which is pretty much impossible to remove.  We had hope for my left!!
3) lazer off as much of the endo as possible from other areas

Waking up from surgery first of all was the most painful experience of my life. I can't even describe the emotions and feeling when I came to.  While I was waking up, I heard two doctors discussing me and heard the words "IVF".  Needing IVF was "worst case" for me because that meant both of my tubes had to be permanently closed off.

(Many people have asked my my tubes were blocked off during surgery. Basically since they were so swollen, my chance for ectopic pregnancy (tubal pregnancy) was really high.  Secondly, since they were almost closed, they hadn't been able to sufficiently drain for years.  This means, all of the fluid and gunk stuck in there was super toxic. If i ever got pregnant, it would be bad news if toxic liquid was dripping back into my uterus). 

Lets recap: I have no tubes anymore.  I am telling you this because many people have said things like "maybe you can get pregnant naturally on the next round". Ummm no.  I can't.

Meeting with Dr. Brown after surgery brought another surprise.  My IVF process would be unlike most of the people you know that do IVF.  Since my endometrosis was so bad, she wanted me to do an IVF cycle  but freeze everything.  I then would be on medication called Lupron that puts you into menopause. Stopping my cycle completely would allow my endometriosis to heal some before the actual transfer of the embryos.

Not familiar with IVF?  Here is a crash course.  A women is put on medication that stimulate her egg production. Instead of producing one mature egg like you do in a real monthly cycle, the medication allows you to produce LOTS of mature eggs.  Right before you ovulate, you go into a simple surgery where you are put under, a needle is put up through your vagina and into your ovaries.  They suck out as many of the eggs that they can get.  While this is happening, your partner is doing his part in another area.  After your eggs are out and semen is collected- they put them together one of two ways.  The first is the traditional way where they leave an egg overnight in a petre dish with 50-100,000 sperm. You can assume there is a great chance of that egg getting fertilized.    The second way is the "high tech" way where a single sperm is injected directly into an egg. This is called ICSI.     Once the eggs have been fertilized, you wait. The embryos start to grow day by day. Some die off or "arrest" as they call it.  The ideal situation is to have some left over at least by day 3 but even better if they make it to day 5.   Most IVFers go in either on day 3 or 5 to get them transferred back into their uterus.   On day 5 is when my batch of embryos were frozen.

So where are we?  Oh yes, I have frozen embryos and I am now in medically induced menopause-  truly.  Hot flashes, night sweats, the whole shabang.  It actually really sucked but it gave us the whole summer to let loose.  Not worry about getting pregnant and just relax for once and prepare for our transfer scheduled for Aug. 26th.

Oh August 26th.  I will NEVER forget Aug. 26th.  It had been a looming "finish line" date in our heads for months! The transfer was the most simple, painless, quick procedure.  An embryologist comes in the room with our little baby embies (we transferred 2), the doc sucks them up into a straw and basically shoots them into your uterus.  Then you wait for 9 days to take a pregnancy test.

Waiting is the underlining theme to our whole story.  I had waited for months to get to this point so actually 9 days was a piece of cake.

September 3rd was the date of my pregnancy test.  Just like anything, it didn't go as smoothly as planned (I had woken up to some spotting that really freaked me out).  My test was at 7:30am and I didn't get the call with my results until 4:30pm- it was a VERY stressful day but it ended with the happiest news of all-  I was "very" pregnant (which is how the nurse worded it).

Today I am 18 weeks, 1 day.  I still can't believe it.  I cry frequently out of pure happiness..... just can't wait to meet this baby in May!!!

Lastly,  If anyone reading this is going through something similar- please don't hesitate to reach out.  I had a great support group that consisted of a few other "IVFers" - they were life savers!

That's my story,

Emily